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| Drunk sincerity |
Hello, my name is Victor. You do not know me yet but when you are done reading this I guess that many of you will have the feeling that they have known me all their lives. I am eighteen years old and I have been trough a lot in these years. My parents are divorced. I have been living with my mother for the last fourteen-fifteen years. I had to face many problems during the last years but nothing can compare to the thing I will try to describe.
All my life I thought that there is only one person stronger mentally than me and that is my mother… Now I find that I am not strong at all… I am just confused I guess… How is it possible that my world, the world of the second strongest person in the world can be brought to it’s knees by a seventeen year old girl. Last year on July morning I met a girl that I though was perfect. A more than a year later I wish I have never met that girl. For the first time I let myself fall in love with someone. I have to admit it was pretty nice while it lasted. She had her flaws but I was not perfect either after all. I tried to be perfect but nothing was worth it. One day she just decided that she does not want a boyfriend… How is this possible!? I mean … I have never seen someone so caring and passionate about a person as I was to her… but still it was not enough. Suddenly I do not know who I am… what I want… and how to get it. Nothing seams to be as fulfilling as it used to. I walk trough the streets and all I can see is her face. How did I let this happen? Why did I let this happen? Was it worth it? I always knew she didn’t love me. I also knew that she was not the girl for me, but somehow I managed to find only the best in her. All I wanted was to see her smile… to hold her in my arms gently and to fool myself she felt the same way. When she left me I was neither surprise, nor disappointed… I was crushed! She told me that she sometimes though of me as a maniac because I was often showing my affection with simple gifts that had quite a meaning… I guess she didn’t want a serious relationship and she was scared by the way things were going. She knew I was into her and realized that she wasn’t as into me as I was to her. But what kind of person kisses you and holds your hand and in the next moment tells you she does not care for you anymore. I had the perfect world… Friends, the greatest girlfriend in the world, I got into a nice university… all my dreams were coming true… and in a glimpse of an eye it was all gone. When I was with her I could enjoy even the smallest things like a floating leaf on a hot summer day, the laughter of children in the park, a small kitten that I would have never noticed if I was not in love. I could “stop and smell the roses” if I may say so. Now I could sense the smell of roses even if they were in front of my nose. I still have my friends… I am still going to the fine university… I can still laugh at jokes… but there are neither kittens on the streets, nor floating leaves… the hot summer days feel like hell! So how does this happen?! My friends tell me I should find a new girl… but how can I find a new girl when I am surrounded by mindless drones. When the girl I fall in love with, the girl which was suppose to be perfect, different from the other mindless sluts that I see everyday turned out to be just another stupid mainstream girl. Is there no life on this planet? Is there nobody who dares to break the rules because she isn’t afraid to be herself?!
I do not believe I am alone on this planet! And my soul will never rest before I find the true love, because true love equals happiness! And if you think you know me right now… know that you are one of the strongest people in the world and if you are still kicking that means there is hope and there are others like you who know what happiness is and are not afraid to go after it!
Blog Category: Romance and Relationships
Current mood: crushed
Added on: 15/08/2007 17:24:21
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narcissisitclozer |
Added: 16/08/2007 20:07:02
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wow. you are so.........unclouded . i understand what you mean. i had a boyfriend who i was with for a year, whom i loved and he claimed to love me. one day it was i love you the next it was i dont want you. it made no sense. but i've found that love is only as great as it can be once being crushed so drasticly. its morbid, but i believe you'll find someone.
im sorry you've lost kittens and floating leaves, and im sorry summer scorches you heart. i pray you find happiness, and want you to know that even though i do not know u i want you to know that care.
and as weird as it is you can talk to me if youd like.
the world needs more people who give small gifts and big meaning.
truly sorry for your loss
~?NL?~ |
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