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| So....this is as good as it gets? |
Today I realized with mixed emotions this glaring truth. I am truly a fucked up individual. I guess that was unavoidable. My divorce was final on June 5, 2006. I wasted 4 or so years on a dying dream, then quickly backed away like I was running for my life. I guess in a way I was. I have a decent job making decent money for the most part. I am a banker. Yes I hate it but it pays the bills and supplies beer and marlboro lights. So okay I kicked my cheating worthless ex out and decide to not get envolved with anyone till I am back to even with myself. Man I am stupid because......well I met this guy and true to my stupid self I throw caution and good judgement to the wind and hop into bed and not alone. We make all these long conversations about how this is just a short term thing and how neither of us could commit and blah blah blah. Now don't get me wrong I enjoy cheap mindless sex probably more than the average person. But where is the line? Now we are making plans and seeing more and more of each other. Its like I can't stop myself. I am not even sure I want to. i am drawn not only physically but mentaly. I am starved for intellegent conversation and he is very stimulating. I feel torn. Like I am two people. One is reaching for him the other is pulling away. At home I have 3 adult roomates and 1 child. I have no private space or shred of alone time. I feel like I may just flip out. Hopefully it wont be that bad................. .
Reading (Books): Hunter S Thompson's Hey Rube
Current mood: contemplative
Added on: 09/08/2006 12:01:48
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