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if you ever love me
so i just finished watchi triston and isolde. i hated the ending. why do we care so much about these love stories. why do we torment ourselves with something that never seems to end well.
though out the centuries love has killed people, destroyed kingdoms, and ruined many a life.
people have killed themsleves, and others. betreyed family and friend. renounced religions, and other loyalties.
i've seen people cheated on and divorced. i've seen people give up on their familys. I've seen peoples sanity shaken, people doubt themsleves, people never trust again.
and yet..... i have seen those same people pop in a movie, and open a book all about what screwed them over. i've seen them watch that horrible ending and hate it because it ended like their stories.
i've seen them sigh and wish they could close the book before the last chapter, end the movie before the climax. but you cant and i dont know why.
theres no way around it. no escape from the captivation. and i know i will make the same mistakes again.
so.... if you ever love me, protect me from it, or never let it die. and as sad as it is if that doesnt work. Lie.
~?NL?~
Blog Category: Romance and Relationships
Playing (Music): my mothers bitching
Current mood: contemplative
Added on: 28/11/2007 16:28:50
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white knuckles
so. the five finger death punch concert owned! as usual ivan always delivers.
my older sister came with us but after thuroughly getting fucked up on sumthing she left cas her mother called the cops and blah blah blah.
i absolutly loved the concert i was no more than 2 feet away from the band, and even knocked knuckles with our dearest vocalest. the pit was awesome however being a 5 foot tall girl in the midst of about 20 full grown men slamming the living was a tad overwhelming so i wasnt in there that long. i may have accidently fucked up the old cut on my arm lol.
the only part i didnt like was the song salvation, everyone was very into including ivan and honestly i couldnt sing along. i do believe in god and i hope if i ever had an actual convo with him he wouldnt hold that agaist me.
all in all, ivan payed quite a bit of attention to me, he pointed at me a few times and even pointed the microfone in my direction. i know it was really nothing but i was flattered.
if you've never seen them in person you should be amazed at how the song the bleeding affects ivan. it was a very important song to me and after seeing it performed i am glad to say its not one of those songs a performer just writes he really seemed like it meant something to him.
idk. i had a awesome time. i will continue to go to their concerts as often as i can. basically every time they're in town. they own hard core.
~!NL!~
Blog Category: Music
Playing (Music): nothing
Current mood: contemplative
Added on: 28/11/2007 16:13:44
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The Way of The Fist!!!
now idk how many of yinz r knuckleheads, but evr since i saw five finger death punch at family values i aint been the same. i love this fucking band with a passion, and was upset cas i had no fucking idea when they'd b back.
Well listen the fuck up! on november 25 ffdp will once again grace pittsburgh with their presence at mr.smalls!!!!!!!!!!
so get your fuckin money out buy a ticket or w/e and get the fuck to mr.smalls!!!!!!!!!!! !!
man i just wanna break somethin!!!!!!!!!!!! !!1 omggwa im hyped, bout to go start a mosh in tha fuckin school hallway!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck yea!
~!!!NL!!!~
Blog Category: Music
Playing (Music): Five Finger Death Punch!
Current mood: excited out of my fucking mind
Added on: 09/11/2007 10:21:27
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the unexceptables part one cont.
even though all this stuff was happening i didnt change anything about myself. I was still a messy loud peirced up green haired girl. i didnt thinkid get caught or that they'd care enough to fine me, i regarded it with about as much attention as i regarded the school dresscode.
but things changed, girls took out their earings and belly rings. jewlrey stopped being worn lest it was the preppyest things or the most expensive things. and me, well i was completely ignored by people unless they were taunting me. i couldnt understnd why people were so scared, of course i hadnt heard the rumors.
there was talk of the goverment building camps to house people who wouldnt conform, almost like prisons or concentration camps. They werent suppossed to be horrible but, there was little else they could be.
i got my wake up call in the middle of the day at school some time in november. i tihnk it might have been sixth period im not sure, but i know it was chemistry because like four people dropped test tubes when the anouncment was made. i still think about the anouncment all the time, i haer it when i sleep. the crackling of static on the old pa system, the hoarse voice of the old crow who gave them. 'would all the teachers please send the children whose names are on the lists they were issued this morning down to the auditorium right now their parents have been informed. thank you.'
everyone knew what they meant, and eyes fell to me and an emo girl in the back of the room. her blue and purple eyemakeup seemed to fade as her face went pale and her eyes wide. she bit her lip ring hesitantly, and i began to chew on my tongue stud.
our teacher read off 5 names including mine and hers. shelly jones he said loudly and she let out a small shreik and tears sprung to her eyes. her sisters school had been done last week, she couldnt believe it was real. along with her was a boy who i'd never even considered, he wore fender tee shirts and DCs but he didnt strike me as agaist the dress code, it was only when he oulled his medium lenth hair back into a small pony tail that i saw his earring, and couldnt help but think this whole thing stupid. i mean 1 earring!
i tryed to ask the teacher what was goign on but he just told me to shut up, and gave me a dirty look. pissed off beyond all belief, i walked over to shelly who sat in her chair with her face in her hands refusign to move. she rocked back and forth muimbling her sisters name. i asked her to stand but she said she couldnt, i told her to get on my back and she weakly complied.
Blog Category: Writing and Poetry
Playing (Music): bell
Current mood: okei
Added on: 08/11/2007 10:35:01
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the unacceptables part one
i cant really remember when i started being this way, unacceptable that is. i dont remember when black clothing became the norm, and colors like pink were thrown out almost in their entirety. i can't recall if i woke up one day and said, 'from now on i dont wear colors', or if i just gradually started wearing darker hues. i think it was the latter.
the first time i saw myself as someone who liked wearing darker colors consiously was in seventh grade. i did not get taunted for it at the time which allowed me to continue to expand my wardrobe. now its not just dark clothes that im talking about its everything, the guages, slutty tops and skirts, the boots, the chuck taylors, the excessive plaid and other ridiculous patterns i saw fit to include in everyday outfits. back in middle school noone bothered me about it, it wasnt as bad back then.
you see our country was changing alot back then, and like a school trying to make its students get along, the people of our goverment saw fit to 'define' freedom of expression. now i dont wish to sound like a crazy person, who is feeding you conspiricys, but it all happened very quickly and quietly.
basicly they went through the schools. preaching new dresscodes and values, like they did abstenance. they gave lectures of the immorality of bleak and ripped clothing the violence of chains and the disturbing mutilation of our bodys through peircings and tattoos. there was little i could do to stop the stares of the other students as they looked tword me, a living example in a sea of highschool students. i tried not to care to focus on my anger instead of the cheerleaders 2 rows up staring at my nose ring, but it was useless. the school adminastators continued this for over a year.
then it began popping up on the news. people were being fined for decency violations, and the violations were rediculous. one man was fined 50 dollars for a visable tattoo of his daughters name, another was taken to jail after refusing to remove the rings from his septum and his eyebrow. And most disturbing was a young girl of about 17 was arrested for wearing a pair of tripp pants, a corset, doc martins and having magenta hair styled in dreadlocks. it was so shocking to see our own goverment doing something like that. i never thought it was a big deal though, i never thought they would keep up with it or take every abnormal american away from their lives. God was i wrong.
Blog Category: Writing and Poetry
Playing (Music): the quiet of the library
Current mood: complacent
Added on: 02/11/2007 10:34:10
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