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so depressed
i hate this feeling and it takes over my body so fukin fast.. one minute i am having a shower .. yeah in the middle of the night.. and the next im sittin beside my bed in tears for no apparent reason... then i am starting to think about life and all its mysterfying things.. like anarchism,.. yea i am stressing myself over this... early i was talking to a real good mate of mine on this site and he said he cant change so well not that he has given up but sorta i guess lost hope,. just live with it... now i am thinking along the same lines.. honestly can anarchists really change this world? i used to believe so, now i am second guessin myself.. i think thats what is depressing me? i dunno.. oh well i am going now... to do what i have no idea but i am still going b4 i start going on about other things that frustrate me...
and to make matters worse i accidently put this post as a bulletin first.. fukin dumstick...
Current mood: depressed
Added on: 13/10/2006 08:53:35
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i push my fingers into my eyes...
i think just maybe i should of been born a blonde!! i went to BINGO with my mum 2night,.. and to tell the truth i had no idea what to do! anyway,.. i actually won but stupid over here thought i had to wait till the end to say that i won i never knew i was actually supposed to yell out 'BINGO'.. dumb-arse.. oh well so i never got anymoney.. which really sucked because i am so broke.. and with my job i dont get very much money.. oh well,.. i guess... anyway.. i seen a car crash on the way home and it brought back so many memories!! i had a huge smash last year and i nearly got killed and all so it was hard seeing this dude in tears i just wanted to pull over and run over to him and i dunno give him a hug! it looked as if it was his fault to from the skid marks and situation and all.. poor fuk.. also brought back the fact that my mother has not aloud me to drive since... no trust at all... it makes me so upset and depressed to know that she doesnt trust me... she has seen me driving round in other peoples cars and knows i am a good driver but noooo still doesnt give me the chance! fuk it makes me angry/sad.. the car tho is a 60 grand car but i would drive safe! i mean the car accident i had,.. well was an accident but it was my fault i used to drag ppl and burn out and do the most stupidest things... adn the night of the accident it didnt look good i had porn mags right threw the car,.. split alcohol everywhere.. stolen road signs that i desperatly thought i needed.. and the fact i was high.. yeah not a good combination.. but i hav changed.. I CAN DRIVE!! sorry but this really hurts me to no i cant!! OH OH and you know what!? my sister gets her licence next week when she comes back from her trip and she is aloud to drive it! its like once you have an accident your damed for life! i hate this attitude of hers.. it frustrates me.. then she wonders 'oh y is jo getting upset?' OH! i wonder fukin why to?...
oh well whatever i guess.. i wish i had the money to get out of this place.. i want to move to Townsville.. yeah half of you prolly dont even know where that is.. but i like it there... but have no 1 to move with.. my friends dont want to move yet or in near future because they have set their lives here! fukin hell we are only 18,.. ok so they are like 20 - 25 but that still young! its not like we married or shit,.. only 2 engaged 2 each other... but holly shit! arghhhh.. anyway i think that i have had a little cry.. im such a winger... sorry! haha... needed to say something tho... i just felt like it... anyway i am still typing so i have to stop........NOW
Blog Category: Life
Playing (Music): Panic! at the disco - But its better if you do
Current mood: i dunno i emotionless i think.... a little angry tho...
Added on: 12/10/2006 06:36:21
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The Government Can Suck My Dick,.. Well If I Had One Anyway...
The government rang me today.. at first i didnt know who it was, all they asked me at first was if i would like to take part in a national survey!.. I thought well fuck yeah! i wanna know what these people are on about! Then they decided to mention it was the government. All they wanted to know was how was 'life' as such was... asking the most ridiculous questions imaginable! I answered them quite bluntly, then they asked me if there was anything i would like to add!
At this very point i nearly jumped out of my seat... of course bein an anarchist i had plenty of things i was determined to say!
I started rambling alot of shit at this point! nearly screaming into the phone..
i told them as they ring me randomly to see how life is going for me, there are many other issues out there that seek attention that the government has caused themselves! I said that all these problems would abolish and probably wouldn't have even occured in the first place if it wasnt for the fukin government!
Ok,. so by this point i was a little angry,. but the feelings i have for this were taking me over! I started on my next subject concerning freedom and equality when the man conducting the survey stated he was putting me on hold! i was fuming!!! i was on the roll of my life,.. saying what i really thought about the government basically straight to their face.. *you get my drift*..
About 30secs later he comes back, says thankyou for your time and your comments will be passed on, Bye. and hung the fuck up on me!
I was fukin fuming all fukin day after this! i hate the government with a fukin passion... power hungry bastards...
Blog Category: Life
Playing (Music): Korn - Wake Up Hate
Current mood: determined
Added on: 10/10/2006 07:07:05
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SO FUKIN ANGRY!...
hey all,.. argh i am just so angry,,... i am sick of my family not understanding me! as my family knows i am a punk/goth.. and they have sorta come to terms with that.. my mum likes it when i am bored and i dress *normal* for a day.. apprently it doesnt attract as much attention.. i aint in this for attention i tell her! i am in this for myself.. i have been this way for about 6 years... and still she has her nudges.. same with the rest of my family... "Jo why do you dress like that.. go put that pretty dress on.. you know, that pretty green one" ARGH!!! no one is understanding me... ive been so stressed out lately.. chain smoking worse then ever.. ive had a revelation tho.. i wanna be a photographer.. i have some sort of outlet when i take pictures.. so yeah guess thats pretty fukin cool...
Blog Category: Life
Playing (Music): Eamon - Girl act right...
Current mood: angry
Added on: 08/10/2006 08:21:22
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i wrote this......
Tearing me up inside
Slicing through my body
Their words of disgust
Hatred in their eyes
Death seems to become clearer
The weaker way out
Yet the simplest
Their jokes
Their taunts
A knife through my heart
Anger inside growing
Scared of my own actions
Searching desperately
A doorway out of this hell hole
No escape
No exist
Im trapped
Within these walls of torture
Free the demons around me
Let loose their cries
For if this lasts
I wont
Blog Category: Writing and Poetry
Added on: 05/10/2006 04:09:27
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