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stuff
just words about latly:
reunited, new friend, lord of the rings, eragon, shut me up, rape metal, gunshots, pain, love, high, alchohol, convention prep.
Playing (Music): korn....did my time
Current mood: calm
Added on: 14/02/2007 19:06:58
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the intoxicating scent of over remembered memories
so, i guess i gave up. the awkward feeling i got when talking to my now ex bf faded, and i decided that all the things i thought before him, are still there, and i all i got was gain from him, and he probably saved me alot of hurt by being honest with me. he saved me from a repeat of an old bf.i also decided, that, if there is someone for me like every stupid shojo manga tells you, that i'll find him eventually, and there is nothing wrong with having a list of failed attemps at love. what is life but failed attemps and a success once in a blue moon? now, i dont want to b told im morbid, that, that kind of outlook on life is disgusting becas i dont think it is. so anyway, i took off the necklace he gave me for christmas, and i put it away, in a place thats special to me, and secret enough for my liking. have you ever smelt the scent of old cigars long since taken out of their box, mixed with the scent of wood, and clearwater perfume, and the slightest hint of blood. its stomach turning at the same time its delicious. i suppose it would seem morbid, that my poor old necklace is locked away with old memories, and wishes, but it wont fade. i'll relive its memeories, always. no matter how morbid it is.
really it is comforting when your room, is filled with the intoxicating scent of over remembered memories.
~NL~
Blog Category: Life
Reading (Books): a great and terrible beauty
Current mood: thoughtful
Added on: 05/02/2007 21:17:39
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chalk up another "?"
so my boyfriend and i had been dating for almost a year, at first i was kinda, flirty, i admit it was wrong, but he loved me and stuck by me (i was still messed up from a previous break up and was having way too much fun with being a slut). After dumping him, he stil loved me and we got together behind my new boyfriends back (not in a slutty way, in a romantic way), anyway for a long time i tld him i couldnt say i loved him cas i didint yet, after about 6 months or maybe 5 i decided i loved, him. i hadnt cheated on him or ne thing, i met his parents he met mine. everything seemed awesome, he didnt mind me being 'crazy' he said it was hott. he loved my imperfections which was awesome (i am little but) and i loved everything about himt ho my friends thought he was a geek. so i started hanging him out with my homies cas i loved um both. everything was normal, he took me bowling with his family on his bros b-day (new years day) and we went to the mall with my friends like everyfriday the next week. next time i called him he told me to check my e-mail, so i did i got this (names are changed):
NL, want to have some time just with you. I don't mind having other people most of the time, because two people alone can get boring after a while. But it gets on my nerves when it's almost impossible to get a moment alone with you, y'know?
I don't mean to be demanding, but I think our relationship is going too slow. I love you, but... I'm starting to get bored. It's not a big deal, I just wanted to tell you how I feel.
--boyfriend
so i talked to him, i apoligized and said we could definatly be together more, i liked being alone with him, he made me feel safe and loved, it was great, he was one of only like 3 ppl i trusted. but we ddnt get a chance, the day b4 i had to leave on a camping trip last friday, we had a convo on aim. i told him the convo felt strained, i told him he seemed down. he said, he wanted to just be friends. i asked him y. he said he liked me just ddnt love me and there was no reason to be together. i (stupidly) asked if there was another chick, he said hed nvr do that to me (ddnt think hed do that tho) i asked him if hed lied bout loving me, he said hed thought he did. i dont know how it could all change so drasticly in like a week. oddly, tho i cried at first i dont feel so bad. i think im in denial. i wont let ne one say ne thing bad about him yet. and i dont tell ppl we broke up unless they say somethng bout him. i lov ehim and dont want it to end. and of course every 10 minutes im reminded of him. i guess i'll b ok.
comments????
~NL~
Blog Category: Romance and Relationships
Playing (Music): flyleaf
Current mood: discontent
Added on: 24/01/2007 16:58:35
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porquipine lamp shades
yea random i know, lamp shades? no one comments newayz, im going to play dance dance im excited...!!!!!!!!! g2g diddle lolz
~NL~
btw, the book speak roxorz
Playing (Music): jimmy eat world- polaris
Current mood: contemplative
Added on: 05/01/2007 14:48:20
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shoe vomit
yo, im kinda sad im wasting this awesome subject name on this but its apropraite. im fscking sick and in skool, and everyones being fucking assholes. no i aint gonna wurk, naw i aint gonna wear pants and no thx, i aint gonna b happy when u say ur too busy to get me. i thinki mite vomit on someones shoes just for a laff
~NL~
Playing (Music): in flames-come clarity
Current mood: sick
Added on: 04/01/2007 09:35:13
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